alaBIFF

A study listed in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh".
-- Conan O'Brien

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two aspirin and keep away from children.
-- Unknown

Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams

All thinking men are atheists.
-- Ernest Hemingway

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
-- Harry S Truman

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
-- Scott Adams, American cartoonist, creator of Dilbert

Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.
-- Albert Einstein

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
-- Dennis the Menace

I sit here all day trying to persuade people to do the things they ought to have sense enough to do without my persuading them.
-- Harry S Truman

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
-- Richard Jeni

If guns kill people, then... pencils miss spel words, cars make people drive drunk, spoons made Rosie O'Donnel fat.
-- Gun Owners of America (www.gunowners.org)

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart

It's a funny thing about free speech: It can't be just for your political friends. If freedom means anything, it is the one valuable gift you have to give to your worst enemies, in order to keep it for yourself.
-- Doug Christie

Live a good life. If there are gods & they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
-- Attributed to (perhaps misattributed to) Marcus Aurelius

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse.
-- Don Addis

On one issue at least men and women agree: they both distrust women.
-- H.L. Mencken

One of the problems of taking things apart and seeing how they work - supposing you're trying to find out how a cat works - you take that cat apart to see how it works, what you've got in your hands is a non-working cat. The cat wasn't a sort of clunky mechanism that was susceptible to our available tools of analysis.
-- Douglas Adams

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
-- Paul Rodriguez

Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . . But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny..."
-- Isaac Asimov

The trouble with leaving your feet on the ground is you never get to take your pants off.
-- Ringo Starr

Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.
-- Benjamin Franklin

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
-- Dave Barry

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
-- Winston Churchill