alaBIFF

A study listed in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh".
-- Conan O'Brien

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two aspirin and keep away from children.
-- Unknown

Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams

All thinking men are atheists.
-- Ernest Hemingway

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
-- Harry S Truman

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
-- Scott Adams, American cartoonist, creator of Dilbert

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
-- Dennis the Menace

I sit here all day trying to persuade people to do the things they ought to have sense enough to do without my persuading them.
-- Harry S Truman

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
-- Richard Jeni

If guns kill people, then... pencils miss spel words, cars make people drive drunk, spoons made Rosie O'Donnel fat.
-- Gun Owners of America (www.gunowners.org)

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart

It's a funny thing about free speech: It can't be just for your political friends. If freedom means anything, it is the one valuable gift you have to give to your worst enemies, in order to keep it for yourself.
-- Doug Christie

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse.
-- Don Addis

On one issue at least men and women agree: they both distrust women.
-- H.L. Mencken

One of the problems of taking things apart and seeing how they work - supposing you're trying to find out how a cat works - you take that cat apart to see how it works, what you've got in your hands is a non-working cat. The cat wasn't a sort of clunky mechanism that was susceptible to our available tools of analysis.
-- Douglas Adams

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
-- Paul Rodriguez

Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . . But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny..."
-- Isaac Asimov

Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.
-- Benjamin Franklin

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
-- Dave Barry